So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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