she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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