Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want nice things and good sex
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
