I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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