I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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