I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
