some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
this is an emotional support booty call
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
