the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
