haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
