you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
