You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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