Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
