Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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