Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
