It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
