question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
