you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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