he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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