you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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