Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
