i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
