And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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