the new term for farting is butt boxing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
