I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
