I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
