i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
