Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
