who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
