You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
