so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
