Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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