nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
