The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize