I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
