Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
