It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
