I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
