it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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