Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
