You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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