I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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