Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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