I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
