She said her name was "party"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
