im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
