She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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