New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
