I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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