WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
