watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
