Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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