So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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