the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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