I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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