I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I believe in your delicious
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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