so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
