I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
