it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
