Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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