I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
