How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
