im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
