his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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