she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
