She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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