end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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