So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
