So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
