Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
