Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
