the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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