xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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