i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize