i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
