my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
