She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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