If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize